67-重写你的身份认同

你怎样讲述你经历过的事情？你怎样向自己和他人讲述自己的故事，你就是怎样的人，你与你讲的故事产生了身份认同，并且内化了这些故事。如果你总是讲述你的生活有多么难、多么不公平，你的故事就会被受害和无力感腐蚀，你将无法从糟糕的生活经历中走出来，你变成了这些经历，你的自我将会与这些负面的生活事件交织在一起。如何从负面的故事中走出来呢？用充满力量的语言，重新界定、重新塑造、重新书写你的经历的故事。​

What's your life story? How do you tell the story of what you've lived through? The stories that you tell yourself and others about your life and experiences, shape your life and experiences. It's called narrative identity. And in this episode, we're going to explore what it is, how it affects you and how you can rescript your life to absolutely transform your confidence. Now, let me give you an example of why this is a really important concept to grasp. Someone I used to work with, and who I know very well is an exceptionally talented professional. ​

你的人生故事是什么？你怎样讲述你经历过的事情？你怎样向自己和别人讲述你的人生经历，就塑造了你怎样的人生和经历。我们称之为"叙事认同"。在本视频中，我们将探讨叙事认同是什么，叙事认同怎样影响你，以及你怎样重新书写你的人生，从而彻底改善你的自信心。现在，我给你举个例子说明，为什么理解叙事认同这个概念非常重要。我曾经共事过的一个人，我非常熟悉他，他是一个才华横溢的专业人才。​

And yet I noticed that he had a strong tendency to always complain. There was always something wrong, too much work, not enough work. I'm over committed. My life is so much harder than everyone else's. And this was the narrative that I'd hear. Every time I'd ask him how he was going to the point that I actually stopped asking him how he was, because every time I asked, it would trigger a monologue about how challenging he was finding his life. ​

然而我注意到，他有非常严重的抱怨倾向，总是挑各种各样的问题，工作太多，工作不足，我承担太多、太累，我过得比别人苦很多，我听到他这般叙述自己的故事。每次我问他过得怎么样，他都是满嘴牢骚。​

以至于我实际上再也不问他过得怎么样，因为每次我问的时候，他都会滔滔不绝，叙述他的生活有多么多么难。​

The more I got to know him, the more I realized that this approach of focusing on everything wrong was something that permeated so many areas of his life. It was how he explained the world. He was the ultimate victim, and the world was against him, at least in his mind. It got me thinking this person who seemingly on the surface leads an objectively wonderful life, loving wife, beautiful kids, great job. He couldn't be happy because something was always missing. He was always focused on that gap in his life. ​

我越是熟悉他，我越意识到，他在生活的许多领域，都是喜欢挑毛病、找问题，这是他叙事这个世界的方式。他是彻头彻尾的受害者，至少在他的脑海中，这个世界是与他针锋相对的。这让思考到，这个人只是表面上生活美好，尽管实际上他有爱妻、有可爱的孩子、以及一份非常好的工作，但是他无法快乐，因为他总是感觉缺了什么，他总是专注于生活中的差距。​

So I started thinking even further, how is it possible that others who have objectively, extremely challenging lives? Health complications, they've lost everything. They've experienced severe trauma. How is it that some of these people were so positive? When I would speak to them，it's almost like they had a way of explaining every bad situation as something that had helped them grow. Like it was part of the suffering that they needed a life test to teach them something new to become a better and stronger version of themselves. ​

因此我更进一步思考，那些生活实际上极端困难的人怎么过?他们有一系列健康并发症、失去了一切、经历了严重创伤，为什么他们中的一些人如此积极乐观？当我与他们交谈时，他们似乎总能找到某种积极的方式讲述每一个糟糕的困难，并将困难视为帮助成长的必经之路。就好像这些困难是他们需要经历的生活考验，以教会他们新的东西，教会他们成为更好、更强大的自己。​

What was going on? It wasn't until I came across a concept from psychology professor Doctor Daniel McAdams, that things really fell into place for me. Narrative identity tells us that we are the stories that we tell ourselves and that we tell others, we identify with them, and then we internalize them. If you're always telling stories about how difficult your life is, how everything always goes wrong and how life isn't fair, this is known as a contamination story. It's been contaminated by victimization and powerlessness. You aren't able to move on from bad life experiences. You become these experiences. Your sense of self becomes intertwined with these negative life events. This is what I was seeing with this guy that I used to work very closely with. Interestingly, people who believe their lives are meaningful, tend to tell stories defined by growth, empowerment, and hope these are called redemptive stories. ​

究竟是怎么回事？直到我接触到心理学教授丹尼尔·麦克亚当斯博士提出的一个概念，我才真正有了更深的理解。叙事认同告诉我们，我们怎样向自己和他人讲述自己的故事，我们就是怎样的人，我们与这些故事产生身份认同，并且内化这些故事。如果你总是讲述你的生活有多么难、一切都不顺以及生活多么不公平，我们称这样的故事为腐蚀性故事。你的故事已被受害和无力感所腐蚀，你无法从糟糕的生活经历中走出来，你变成了这些经历，你的自我与这些负面的生活事件交织在一起，我曾经与之密切共事的那个人就是如此。有趣的是，那些认为他们的生活有意义的人，往往讲述充满成长、力量和希望的故事，我们称他们的故事为救赎性故事。​

So think about the last failure you experienced or the last negative experience that you had, maybe a rejection, negative feedback, a business idea crumbling, a relationship ending badly, whatever it is. What story have you been telling yourself and others about it? Are you focused on how wrong you are? How challenging it is? how it derailed you,?how unfair it was? Or do you acknowledge that it happened? But instead, choose to focus on what you learned, how it made you stronger, gave you new insight, a new perspective, help you discover or develop inner strength, your ability to redefine, rewrite, rescript, your life story, these stories that you tell yourself, ultimately impact the quality of your life and what you're able to achieve. ​

请想想你最近一次经历的挫折，或者你最近一次的负面经历，也许是被拒绝、负面反馈、商业想法破灭、一段关系糟糕地结束，无论是什么事。对于这件事，你一直对自己和别人是怎样讲述的？你是专注于自己错得多么离谱？这件事多么难?如何扰乱你？多么不公平？还是你承认这件事已成事实？相反，你选择专注于你学到了什么，这件事如何让你变得更强大，给了你新的洞察，新的视角，将会帮助你发现或培养内在的力量，让你有能力重新界定、重新塑造、重新书写你的人生故事。你对自己讲述的那些故事，最终会影响你生活的质量和你能够取得怎样的成就。​

Now, the great news is, if you find that you tend to write contamination stories and let's face it us, humans have a negativity bias that predisposes us to focus on the negative and to blow things out of proportion. So if you do notice that you have a tendency to do that, the good news is that you can make edits to your personal narrative, and even making small edits to your personal story has been found to hugely impact your life. It's not about denying what happened far from it. It's about redefining how you perceive it, because we create our own personal histories. So we have the ability to rewrite them to live lives with greater purpose. It's all based on what we choose to focus on. Fascinatingly. This idea of rewriting your personal narrative is captured in something called narrative therapy, which is often used by qualified psychologists and psychotherapists to support trauma survivors. ​

如果你发现自己倾向于书写腐蚀性故事，我们乖乖面对现实吧，人类天性就有一种消极偏见，使我们倾向于专注于消极的事情，并夸大其词。如果你确实注意到自己有书写腐蚀性故事的倾向，好消息是，你可以重新编辑你的个人叙述，人们已经发现，对个人故事进行轻微编辑，能够极大地改善生活。重新编辑不是否认已经发生的事实，远非如此。而是重新定义你对待故事的方式，因为我们创造了自己的个人经历。因此，我们有能力重新书写这些经历，以过更有意义的生活。如何书写完全取决于我们选择关注什么。有趣的是，这种重新书写个人故事的理念，我们称之为叙事心理疗法，有资质的心理学家和心理治疗师通常使用该疗法来帮助创伤幸存者。​

So how do they do this? It's a form of experiential therapy that works by identifying individuals separately from their lived experiences, and empowering those people to use that same approach when dealing with their problems. It helps people to unpack their lives and their trauma to process it and both recognize and understand how the language of their stories shapes their life and identity. ​

那么他们是怎么治疗的呢？叙事疗法是一种体验性心理治疗方法，通过将个体与他们的生活经历分离，当这些人处理心理问题时，赋予他们使用同样的方法，以此发挥作用。这种疗法能够帮助人们放下生活的包袱和创伤，并且认识到并明白他们所用的叙事语言如何塑造他们的生活和身份。​

Studies show that the majority of trauma survivors don't actually develop PTSD and a large number even report growth from their experiences. Richard Tadeshi and Lawrence Calhoun coined the term post traumatic growth, which captures this phenomenon where people experience a positive psychological change as a result of their trauma. And one explanation for that is that they rewrite their story. Instead of trying to avoid their emotional experience and pain, they accept it with openness and seek to work through it. ​

研究表明，大多数创伤幸存者实际上并没有患上出创伤后应激障碍，甚至很多人报告说，他们从创伤经历中得到了成长。理查德·塔德什和劳伦斯·卡尔胡恩提出了“创伤后成长”的概念，该概念记录了人们在创伤后经历积极心理变化的现象。其中一种解释是：他们重新书写了他们的故事。他们不是试图回避他们的情感体验和痛苦，而是以开放的心态接受它，并努力克服它。​

They engage in something called cognitive exploration, which is defined as a general curiosity about Information and a desire to explore thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way. This is one main factor that allows people to turn their adversity into advantage. When you do this, when you consciously engage with your struggles and adversities, and rewrite them to focus on growth and meaning. It's been shown to lead to greater appreciation of life, greater appreciation and strengthening of close relationships, increased compassion and altruism, the identification of new possibilities, or a purpose in life, enhance spiritual development and even creative growth. ​

他们参与了一种被称为“认知探索”的活动，它被定义为一种常见的想获取更多认识的好奇，或者以一种非评判性的方式探索思想和情感的愿望。它是让人们能够将逆境转化为优势的主要因素之一。当你重写叙事时，当你有意识地与你的挣扎和逆境交流，并将注意力转向成长和意义时，你将会更加珍惜生活，更加珍惜和加强亲密关系，你将会增强同情心和利他行为，将会发现新的可能性或人生目标，得到精神性成长，甚至是创造性的成长。​

So there are three steps that we can learn from this narrative therapy technique and apply to our own lives to feel a greater sense of meaning and purpose in life. ​

因此，我们可以从叙事疗法中学到三个步骤，并应用到我们自己的生活中，以在生活中感受到更大的意义和目的。​

Step one, understand your current story. How do you see yourself? How do you describe yourself? How do you describe the challenges that you've lived through? Set a timer for 20 minutes? Grab a notebook and a pen and journal. Answer these questions: How would I describe myself to someone else? What do I want to change about myself? Thinking back to my last big Challenge? How did I interpret it? What did I do? How did it affect me then? How does it still affect me? Once you've written whatever came to your mind, review what you wrote objectively, don't judge it, but pay attention to the language that you used. Are there any patterns? Did you blame others for your situation or adversities? Do you take ownership?​

第一步，知道你当下的故事。你如何看待自己？你如何描述自己？你如何描述你经历过的困难？设定一个20分钟的定时器，拿起笔记本和笔，开始记录。回答这些问题：我会如何向他人描述我自己？我想要改变自己什么？回想一下我最近的一次严重挫折，我是如何解释它的？我做了什么？当时如何影响了我？现在还在影响我吗？一旦你写下了脑海中浮现的任何内容，客观地回顾你所写的文字，不要评判它，但注意你使用的语言。这些语言是不是很有规律？你是将自己的处境或逆境归咎于他人？还是你承担了所有？​

Step two, externalize your story. This is where you need to acknowledge and recognize that your story of Challenge, hardship or adversity is separate from your identity. Because it's separate from your identity, you can tweak or edit your story. Take time to think about how you could find meaning in each of your challenging experiences. What's the story you would prefer to be telling? How would you prefer to see yourself coping with that situation? Here is where you think about your values and what's most important to you along with your goals and aspirations? Remind yourself of what you're working towards and why? ​

第二步，分离将你的故事。在这一步中，你需要承认并认识到，你对艰难困苦、困境逆境的叙事与你的身份是分离的。因为故事与你的身份是分离的，你可以重新微调或编辑你的故事。花时间思考如何在每一个困难的经历中找到意义。你更愿意讲述什么样的故事？你更希望看到自己如何应对困境？在这一步，你要考虑你的价值观以及对你来说最重要的是什么，还有你的目标和愿望？提醒自己你正在努力实现的目标以及为什么？​

Step three, reauthor your story. Now that you understand your story, the impact of your language and how your current story and the story that you want to tell differ. You rewrite what you wrote in step one, but this time focusing on using more empowering language and focusing on finding meaning through it as Doctor, Victor Frankel wrote in Man's Search for Meaning. In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. ​

第三步，重新书写你的故事。现在你已知道了你的故事，你的叙事语言的影响，以及你当前的故事和你想要讲述的故事之间的区别。你重新写下了你在第一步中写下的内容，但这次的重点是使用更有力量的语言，并侧重通过更有力量的语言找到意义，就像维克多·弗兰克在《活出生命的意义》中写道的那样，某种程度上，在找到意义的那一刻，痛苦也就不再是痛苦。​

How can you rewrite this Challenge, this adversity to focus on the growth? What did you learn? How did you grow? How did it shape your perspective?your world view?give you greater empathy for others who also suffer? When did you almost feel overwhelmed to the point of giving up? But you didn't. What qualities did you demonstrate to stay on course? It's important to acknowledge that we can't change the past. What happened happened. And while many of us may prefer that it didn't happen, it did. So this is about acknowledging the reality, recognizing the stories that you've written that prevent you from moving on, and then reshaping your perceptions of yourself and your surroundings to ultimately change your life. ​

你如何重新书写这个挫折，这个逆境，以便专注于成长？你学到了什么？你如何成长？它如何塑造了你的观点？你的世界观？它如何让你更有同情心，同情那些同样受苦的人？你何时几乎感到不堪重负，几乎放弃？但你没有。你展现了哪些品质以保持在正确的轨道上？重要的是要承认我们无法改变过去。已经发生了的事情是不可改变的。虽然我们中的许多人可能希望过去的事没有发生，但事实就是它发生了。所以这是关于承认现实，认识到你所写的那些阻止你前进的故事，然后重新塑造你对自己和周围环境的看法，从而最终改变你的生活。​

So I hope this episode has sparked a few ideas for you about how you can take ownership of the stories that you're telling yourself and how to reauthor them to focus on meaning and growth. ​

因此，我希望本视频已经给了你一些启发，关于如何对自己讲述的故事负起责任，以及如何专注于意义和成长重新书写你的故事。​

67-重写你的身份认同​

67-重写你的身份认同